


the floor talks

by hereonourstreet



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Emotionally Repressed, M/M, Mentor/Protégé, Mentors, POV Third Person, Role Models
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereonourstreet/pseuds/hereonourstreet
Summary: Mafuyu comes over to Ugetsu's for music lessons every now and then, even after Ugetsu and Akihiko break up. They end up on the floor of Ugetsu's kitchen a lot, understanding that really, they're teaching each other.A (not romantic/sexual) series about how Mafuyu and Ugetsu end up relating over the fact that they both feel the weight of the world but can't express it very well. This is one of those constant WIP things, the chapters are linear but they don't really have any narrative thread. Just little chapters of them talking based on my favorite scene in the manga (and the idea that we may never see Ugetsu again so I wanted to make sure he was happy).
Relationships: Murata Ugetsu & Satou Mafuyu, Past Murata Ugetsu/Kaji Akihiko
Comments: 29
Kudos: 70





	1. savants

From the outside looking in, he’d had a somewhat privileged childhood. A family of politicians, violin in hand the second he had motor skills. Then again, anyone can get a cheap violin, scratch up a block of rosin and chalk up a bow. Run it along the strings and there. There’s music. It may not be good music but it’s sound and when it’s made by his own hands, it’s rewarding. What he does with a violin is not special. It’s that he does it better than anyone else that makes him unique. 

Ugetsu has an opinion only a true savant could have: anyone can learn how to do anything, but natural talent is inherent. Some people have a certain spatial awareness that others simply can’t replicate. He goes to museums to see their art. Others are tall, big, or muscular. If Ugetsu watched sports, certainly he’d see the right body on every athlete. And some people hear the world differently, can move their hands as deftly as they need to, and can make a melody out of nothing. Anyone can learn how to do those things. But they also come more easily to some than others. It takes a lifetime of dedication to perfect a skill. But a natural boost always helps. 

Akihiko seems to agree, but in the worst way possible. 

He was Ugetsu’s first real friend. The first one that wasn’t just surface level. It’s not that Ugetsu is unlikable - at least, he doesn’t think so. He’s very social, very charming and affable, but it’s hard to get close and he knows that. He doesn’t build up walls or push people away, God, he’s not that cliché. But Akihiko was the only person to see. He’s the first and only human on Earth that could tell. Ugetsu feels things more strongly than others - the Earth weighs on him more heavily. Akihiko saw that and Ugetsu suddenly felt something he never had before - relief. 

No one can understand what Akihiko meant to him. And Ugetsu has never really needed anyone to. But it’s frustrating to feel like he’s misunderstood. He’s never loved anyone the way he loves Akihiko. And it’s hard to let go of something one loves, even if it’s hurting. If it’s killing. And to be sure, Akihiko is slowly killing him so if he starts to hurt him back, he doesn’t care. It’s only fair. 

Of course Ugetsu’s made mistakes. He’s a  _ musical _ genius, that’s it. He isn’t perfect; he doesn’t know any more than anyone else his age. He doesn’t know more than Akihiko. They’re learning things together, just like any first love. But Akihiko isn’t his anymore, he hasn’t been for a long while. And that’s for the best. But if Akihiko won’t let go, why should he?

Twice now Ugetsu’s ended up on the floor of his kitchen with the singer of Akihiko’s band. It’s something he feels he should be doing drunk but they’re just two stone cold sober savants, trying to figure out how they feel. Mafuyu also has trouble expressing himself, though Ugetsu gets the feeling it’s for a different reason. But for better or for worse, they’re alike. And this is the second time a music lesson has ended up like this. On cold, basement linoleum. 

It’s easier to explain how he feels to someone who also seems to bear the brunt of resilient emotion. 

“They’ve been together a couple weeks now,” Mafuyu says as if he doesn’t want to. “The band has been fine.”

That’s all he offers. Because Mafuyu never gives more information than is needed. Plus, he’s also dating a bandmate. That band is made up of two couples. 

It’s none of Ugetsu’s business, but that band is doomed. 

“Well,” Ugetsu replies. It’s pointless to act like he’s okay, but he’s just  _ so used to it.  _ “I’m glad they’re happy.”

“Are you?”

Mafuyu knows, too. He knows who Ugetsu is. Hell, he’s the one who initiated this relationship. Their dynamic is supposed to be mentor and mentee, Ugetsu is supposed to be a role model. Yet he’s the one who ends up on the floor. 

“No.” He thinks for a moment. “But I don’t want him back.”

“You don’t?”

“I do,” he relents. “But I wouldn’t take him back.”

“You wouldn’t?”

Mafuyu isn’t combative. He’s genuine. Curious. He’s trying to gauge his own feelings based on Ugetsu’s. Ugetsu needs to be a role model. 

“I would,” he says. “But I bet I shouldn’t.”

“You bet?”

“I don’t know,” Ugetsu says. “I spent so long trying to get him to leave. He never wanted to go. I didn’t want him to, either. So when he said no, I said okay. I met other people - he would get angry. And none of them compared. They didn’t -” Ugetsu doesn’t want to say it. His entire being is predicated on pouring his emotions into violin, not words. “They didn’t…”

It’s silent for a long time because Mafuyu doesn’t press things. He doesn’t want Ugetsu to press him, after all. 

“I just liked their faces,” Ugetsu finally says. Maybe that gets his point across. It was just sex. Akihiko was more than that. “Not that Akihiko believed that.”

“Hm?”

The times that he told Akihiko not to come home - he always did, enraged. Pulled him out of bed with these guys, started a fight until Ugetsu had to  _ do  _ something. He had to defend himself and would send Akihiko away with a new bruise to brag about because Akihiko was like that. He didn’t care about getting into fights. They were a point of pride for him. But Ugetsu knows that he  _ wasn’t  _ proud of the places he had to stay when Ugetsu kicked him out, the things he had to do in order to pay for his temporary tenancy. And yeah, Ugetsu feels bad about that, but what was he supposed to do? Not to mention:

_ Why didn’t he just stay with fucking Haruki? _

He did a few times, Ugetsu knows. Ugetsu likes to pretend he doesn’t even know Haruki’s name, but he’ll never forget it. Akihiko tried not to take advantage of him, but he never afforded that courtesy to Ugetsu.  _ Freeloader  _ was such a loaded term, such a  _ rude insult,  _ how could Ugetsu say that? 

Because Akihiko freeloaded off more than just his money. 

“He knew how the bassist felt,” Ugetsu offers. “He knew how I felt. But he liked to pretend I didn’t have feelings. I-”

That’s it. The revelation Ugetsu’s been looking for. 

It’s betrayal. 

Akihiko betrayed him. 

He understood Ugetsu when no one else ever had. He knew Ugetsu felt more strongly than anyone. Akihiko was the proof that Ugetsu could connect on a deeper level. He was evidence that Ugetsu needed a little push to let his emotions out, but they were there. They existed. And Akihiko knew about most of them. He could stand up for Ugetsu; relay to everyone else that he  _ did  _ feel. He  _ does.  _

And then he took it all back.

He made Ugetsu look cold. Calculating and manipulative, uncaring and callous. But Ugetsu  _ loves  _ Akihiko. How could he do this to him? How could he deny him in front of everyone? 

“Hm?”

Mafuyu is imploring Ugetsu to continue. Ugetsu doesn’t want to, but he knows he must. He can’t let Mafuyu know he’s  _ feeling.  _

“Akihiko acted as though every guy I had over here was a direct insult to him,” Ugetsu says. “But I just liked their faces.”

“You just wanted to have sex.”

Ugetsu winces. Mafuyu’s like, sixteen or seventeen or something. But Ugetsu’s not having sex with  _ him.  _

“Yeah,” he says. “It was just sex.”

“But Akihiko thought it was more.”

“He knew it wasn’t,” Ugetsu shakes his head. “He just wanted to pick a fight.”

“Hm,” Mafuyu hums. “That sounds like him.”

Ugetsu has to laugh. Mafuyu is blunt. He likes that. 

“You know,” Mafuyu says suddenly, “it’s okay to miss him.”

Ugetsu studies him for a moment. It’s not like the kid is rude, but he wasn’t expecting him to be… supportive. 

“Yeah,” Ugetsu says. “I do.”

“I miss someone, too.”

Ugetsu looks at him curiously. 

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Someone who isn’t your boyfriend?”

“Uenoyama,” he says. “Yeah.”

“An ex?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm,” Ugetsu says. “Does your boyfriend know that?”

“Uenoyama,” Mafuyu repeats. “Yeah.”

Ugetsu is slightly bewildered. 

“And he’s okay with it?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Ugetsu says. “I guess that’s okay, then.”

“It’s okay for you, too.”

Ugetsu looks at the floor. This is about as emotional as he gets with someone else. Mafuyu isn’t a boyfriend - isn’t even in the realm of it. So he’s surprised. He always thought it would be a boyfriend. 

Ugetsu always thought it would be a boyfriend, the second person who would ever understand him. 


	2. charming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still holding onto feelings deep inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter talks about yuki, suicide, the like, so be warned

“It was about my first boyfriend.”

Ugetsu’s head pops up. His eyes are a little wide but mostly because he’s confused, not shocked. Mafuyu pauses. 

“The first song was about my first boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Ugetsu says. “Your current boyfriend is okay with that?”

“He’s dead.”

Ugetsu stills. 

“Y-your guitarist is?”

“The first boyfriend.”

It clicks with him suddenly. Mafuyu watches as literally zero emotion washes over him. That’s how Ugetsu is. He feels, but he doesn’t show it. Just like Mafuyu. That’s what Mafuyu likes about him. They’re kindred spirits. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Aren’t you supposed to say thank you?”

“Am I?”

“I don’t know,” Ugetsu says. “I’m sorry anyway.”

“It’s okay.”

“So you wrote those words about him?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s why they resonated,” Ugetsu says. “Because you wrote about something you really felt.”

“Yeah.”

“You can work on the finger flexibility,” he tells Mafuyu. “The second bridge will need a lot of work. But your words are perfect.”

“Perfect?” Mafuyu asks. 

“Perfect,” Ugetsu tells him, looking up at him from under the wavy bangs that hide his face. They’re very serious eyes; his head is immobile as it’s tilted down at the sheet music but those steely eyes are staring at Mafuyu intensely. 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Mafuyu looks at the sheet music, too. Uenoyama’s handwriting is a little scratchy but very pretty. His music is beautiful. 

“He killed himself.”

Ugetsu curses under his breath. 

“I’m sorry.”

“We had a fight. He drank too much. He killed himself.”

“Mafuyu -”

“I found him.”

“Mafuyu.”

“So I wrote about it,” he says. “It was so hot. The lights. Singing helps.” Ugetsu nods slowly, allowing him to continue. “It helps…”

“Express it.”

Mafuyu sucks in a breath. 

“Yeah.”

Ugetsu looks at the music again. Mafuyu can tell he’s thinking about Akihiko. 

“Does it make you feel better?”

“Huh?”

Ugetsu speaks up:

“Does it make you feel better? Any of it? The singing? The words?”

Mafuyu lets out all the air he was holding in. 

“Yes.”

Ugetsu nods at him knowingly. He starts to point at the notes again, seemingly about to jump right back into the music, but then he rubs his temples with his long fingers. They’re perfect for playing violin. They’re  _ enchanting  _ when he plays. Ugetsu plays with a passion that comes across on Mafuyu’s years-old CD player; seeing him play in person is ethereal. No wonder Akihiko developed a complex. 

“Doesn’t music do the same for you?”

That’s why he’s aggravated. He doesn’t feel the same. That’s a bit of a revelation to Mafuyu. 

“It did,” he says quietly. “It used to.”

That’s when they end up on the floor. 

The third time they lay on cold linoleum together, Ugetsu is nearing a breakdown - or at least, his version of one. And Ugetsu’s version of a breakdown is a lot calmer than most, as far as Mafuyu knows.

“I started because my family wanted me to,” he says. “A lot of time, energy, money. It all went into my music. I went to an academy before high school. I didn’t see my family all that much. When I finally went to a school that had normal kids in it, I met Akihiko. Then college. Everything spiraled. But…” 

Mafuyu’s attention is piqued when Ugetsu trails off. 

“That’s nothing compared to real pain.”

Mafuyu is still. Real pain - your boyfriend committing suicide in the middle of a fight. Finding him dead. What Ugetsu’s been through is charming compared to that. That’s what he’s saying. Mafuyu doesn’t know if he agrees with that. 

“Akihiko can be…”

He’s trying to find the word. He’s trying to  _ express  _ himself. He wants to comfort Ugetsu. But it only brings up a different kind of pain:

“What if I’m never able to say how I feel outside of music?” he asks. “What if that’s the only way I can ever say how I feel?”

Ugetsu smiles. It’s a warm smile. Something Mafuyu rarely sees. Ugetsu usually gives these little smirks - they’re genuine, but they aren’t  _ warm.  _

“I don’t know,” he says. “But be grateful while you have it. Because if you lose it, you’ll have nothing.”

Their eyes lock and Mafuyu is drenched in a cold dread. Ugetsu feels like he has nothing. But his music has never faltered. He plays as beautifully as ever. He plays through it and no one’s the wiser. No one would ever know because Ugetsu hides it so well. 

Mafuyu finds that he’s honored to be the one he shares it with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who else is out of commission for the rest of the day after they hear fuyu no hanashi

**Author's Note:**

> here's my [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/UgetsuMurataaaa), where it is always ugetsu loving hours
> 
> also sorry if there's like factual canon errors, i read the manga a few times but it's hard to keep things straight. i made up some stuff about ugetsu because i wanted to so if it goes against some canon i missed i'm sorry. also, i've been into given forever now but i only just started writing for it so... i'm still getting the hang of characters, especially ugetsu.


End file.
